A couple of weeks ago, the highlight of my short costuming career (can it be called a career if I don't make any money from it and only do it part time?) occurred. Lee Pace, the actor who plays Thranduil, tweeted my wacky cosplay from last year:
When a cosplay friend alerted me to this, I was in shock for a good while (Is that the real Lee Pace, and not just a fan account? Hmmm, Richard Armitage/Thorin replied, I guess it's real), then I was excited (The. Real. Thranduil. Saw my cosplay of him. And liked it enough to tweet it. I am, however briefly, Internet famous!!!), and then to my surprise, I got slightly depressed.
The last two months with SHB have been a learning experience, and there have been moments of joy, but there have also been a lot (dare I say more) of moments of frustration: why won't he stop crying, why won't he sleep for more than thirty minutes, why does he have to be held all day? I was expecting to be able to do my own thing during those legendary 1.5-2 hour naps that babies supposedly take, but it seems like they're just that -- legendary. And not in a Barney Stinson way, unless you count the part where I'm waiting for it to happen. It's been hard not to compare last year, when I put together a full-blown costume what felt like every two weeks, and got to inspire and teach students (who are capable of expressing their wants with real words!), to this year, when I didn't even get to dress up for Halloween, arguably a costumer's favorite holiday, and have only sewn some Christmas stockings and a couple of tops and bibs for SHB. Like I lamented to Mr. Cation, I feel like my days of doing cool things are over, and I'm just this boring zombie-type person who doesn't get dressed or out of the house most days, whose only function is to produce milk, only to have it all just spit up back over me. Sometimes I look back at my old blog posts, just to remind myself that I used to do things.
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| Now that SHB is a spit up monster, not unlike the Jurassic Park version of Dilophosaurus, he is going through bibs faster than our laundry schedule can handle. Solution? Make new ones when he needs them, from Mr. Cation's old t-shirts. Man, it's a good thing he's so cute and charming when he needs to be. |
When that mournful feeling seizes me particularly hard, I have to remind myself that this is a passing phase, and one day I'll do cool things again. SHB will get bigger and more independent (and sleep better) and I'll have time to sew for myself again, and one day he'll see my costuming pictures and realize that Mommy has a secret life outside of mothering.
In the meantime, I've been slowly, ever so slowly, pulling together a costume for the last Hobbit movie, Battle of the Five Armies. I don't even know if I'll get to see it at the midnight showing, much less dress up for it in as grand of a costume as I'm envisioning, but I think I need to at least make the costume, just for my own pleasure.
First off, how totally cool!!!! I love LP!!
ReplyDeleteSecond, it's a phase and from what I've been told you are in the hardest part - sleep deprivation central! I'm about to enter this phase too (oy vay!) if my Raspberry ever decides to be born (double oy vay! due date +4). But there are some awesome bloggers out there who manage to balance motherhood and sewing/reading actual books/knitting/etc. Nettie of Sown Brooklyn, Kelli of True Bias, Aspen of Little Green Orchids and Suzanne of My Beau Baby are just four that I know in real life and to me are the light at the end of the tunnel who prove that you can be an awesome mother and also take care of yourself and your creative needs.
Hang in there!!
I've never commented, but you're one of my absolute favorite sewing bloggers. I love the things that you make, from amazing costumes to adorable bibs.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I wanted to tell you that you can download free ebooks and audiobooks from your library! http://overdrive.aclibrary.org/ Just download the OverDrive app on your phone and sign in with your card #.
- A friendly librarian from all the way across the country.
YES! Overdrive is amazing! I work at a library too, I talk ebooks up all the time. And phones are great for reading books in the dark!
DeleteHang in there! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI saw that Lee Pace tweet and squealed when I recognised your costume! As a childless person I'm not sure if I can say anything about this matter, but I think it's important to think about the really really cool things that are happening as well! And remember, when he's a bit older you can hand him over to a volunteer and take some time for yourself!
ReplyDeleteHang in there - the constant feeding, spitting up, mini naps etc will get easier soon, though then you've got the joy of solids ahead of you at least that is a job that really can be shared, unlike breastfeeding. And you WILL have time to sew / create as he gets older (my kids are now 10 and 7, and I've been sewing a lot for the past 4-5 years).
ReplyDeleteThis too shall pass ;) and it does x
ReplyDeleteSHB is pretty cute, vomitasaurus tendencies & all ;)
You can get the kindle app for your phone, and then you read ALL the books. Lots of them free or super cheap!
ReplyDeleteYour costumes are completely awesome. How exciting to have them tweeted about by the actual actors from the movie! That is incredible! Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteI will try to offer a word or two of encouragement. I have two kids 16 and 13. I've been where you are. It is incredible watching the little one grow and change, but it is frustrating. I read something the other day. I don't remember the source, but it talked about how you have to do something irreversible to feel fulfilled. Something like laundry is reversible. I feel like I can get all the laundry in the house done and come bedtime I have a washer load dirty again. Cooking dinner, doing the dishes all have to be done, but don't lend much satisfaction. I would encourage you to take every spare minute and find some way to do something you would like to do that creates something.
I will also say that it gets better. It won't get better fast, but it does get better.
aw, I have so been there with the cranky, unsleeping, extremely needy newborn feeling like I'd never get to do anything I wanted to do--for keeping--ever again. It does get better. And I won't give you the patronizing, "enjoy this precious time" spiel. I remember those days feeling interminable while going through them, though they seem to have flown by once you're past them. Ugh. You'll get through this, and when you come out on the other side, you'll have a really cool SHB you can involve in your cosplay, and it will be just as fun as before.
ReplyDeleteThat was supposed to say --for you--
DeleteThanks for the "help," autocorrect!
I only started sewing when I had kids, so I have always looked rather mournfully at the blogs of people who churn out garment after garment, whilst my little easy make skirt took 3 weeks and still wasn't hemmed. Someone said to me though that as a sewer/sewist/ person who sews you are better off enjoying the process rather then the end result, because you have a lot more joy that way. I am trying to stick with that now. If you have the space to have your sewing machine permanently set up, maybe try this sewing for 15 mins a day thing and see how you feel.
ReplyDeleteThe first 2-3 years are really quite hard, but then you get used to it really and at some point you find yourself at home doing some washing/dishes/tidying whilst whistling/singing the theme song to the octonauts and realise that all children are at school, so you drop everything and race to the sewing machine :-)
Someone else has said it, but it bears repeating; this too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteI've been there. I'm there now. (I'm your Instagram buddy whose baby was delivered by Doctor Wiggy just one year before SHB!) With my older baby it felt like I literally woke up one day and could do stuff again! He was more independent and all of a sudden I didn't need to schedule showers and we could have actual, adorable conversations.
Of course, I'm back to square one with a 14 month old, but he is now becoming more independent as well. I still don't feel like I have my life back but I do make sure to pawn the kids off on my husband for some much-needed me time now and then.
SHB will grow to the point where you are not so sleep deprived and will feel better. This too will pass! Try to remember that. When you get stressed, SHB senses it and gets even more unmanageable. You have a mom and a sister and a spouse. Make any appt for someone to watch SHB so you can sew.
ReplyDeleteOh Cindy, I so understand. I read somewhere that babies that don't sleep well tend to be smarter. Well, if that's the case, then my child is a future Mensa member-looks like yours is, too! Yay for smart babies, lol!
ReplyDeleteRather than mourn your lost sewing time, rejoice in the time you get to spend with your baby. My babies are now 9 and 5 (not so much babies any more), and when I see friends with their new borns I wish I was right back there (well, except for the sleep deprivation and feeling like I'm a walking milk bottle). You will get your sewing time back, and in the meantime, you can dream up all sorts of things to make in the future!
ReplyDeleteTake a breath and just know that you have many years of costumes in your future. Of course, they will be a tad smaller and cuter. Looks like he has a future as a charmer.
ReplyDeleteYou will get back there, once your baby is more independent. I will also say that your creativity and sewing projects are huge inspirations for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of jealous - my babies are teens now and I rarely see them. I miss when they were tiny little angels that I could hold all day. My daughter was never a napper - too many things to see and if she slept she would miss something.
ReplyDeleteLee Pace likes your costume! Internet win!
You are amazing to have done the sewing you have done whilst mothering. And the blogging, and the getting tweeted
ReplyDeleteI echo the do something irreversible, even if its just dreaming about a plan for a future project. You are still Cindy Cation
ReplyDeleteNo one however big or small cab take that away from you. In the meantime growing a little person is a major achievement. Go girl we love you Cindy. Xxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteNo one tells you how boring being a mommy is, do they? It reminds me of working a register back in my high school and college days. Monotonous, exhausting hours spent in the exact damn spot, and you can't really zone out. Sometimes my brain feels hungry. Indoor Kitten is a little over a year now, and it really does get better, although I spend my days trying get her to eat something. Anything. Please. The pediatrician has her on 8 oz. of Pediasure to try to get her weight up.
ReplyDeleteGo see the Hobbit. Get a sitter. Wear your costume. Or your pajamas. Or a cocktail dress. Bring your breast pump and a cover and pump during the movie if you have to. Give your best "I will end you" teacher look to anyone who dares to side eye you. You will be a better mom to SHB if you take time for yourself.
Piling on. Babies are cute and they are very dull. More to the point: sweetie, you've been on a hormone roller coaster and now you're about to get off. Where are the good hormones? Why did they leave me? And I gotta tell you, with a kid in his senior year of high school - the part where I smuggled him into a Godzilla film as a baby (a bottle/binky/breast shoved into him to shush him) has had no lasting effect on him but it meant the WORLD to me.
DeleteIt's gonna be okay. One foot in front of the other. Get Outside And Get Some Light.
And seriously: . Your best cosplay is in front of you.
If it helps to know, I felt exactly the same way when my spuds were little. Plus, I felt a little guilty that I wasn't perfectly blissful and fulfilled as a full-time milk machine. I expect nearly all new moms do. Take heart, the cool you persists and will blossom again.
ReplyDeleteYou do know about all the free and under-$2 ebooks available now, right? I got the Nook app free for my phone and get at least 2-3 new books a week. Kindle has a free app, too, I think. I bet if you asked on your blog you'd get a ton of recommendations for good reads. I offer my best one here: Lindsay Buroker.
You are definitely one of the coolest moms out there!
ReplyDeleteEven though I don't have kids of my own, I feel I understand how you feel a tiny bit because I had probably 4 months of training and learning to communicate with my dog when we first got him as a puppy. He required soooo much attention that I was exhausted from being on high alert and felt like I couldn't get anything done because I couldn't look away for a second. (I actually had to lock him up mid-morning every day to force him to nap because he got crabby but didn't know how to shut down without help - just like a kid.)
Hang in there! I'm sure SHB will be much easier as time goes on. And soon he will be joining you with all the costuming fun! =)
~ Brooke
Woot Lee Pace for the win! Always love seeing that costume.
ReplyDeleteSo thought I'd reassure you that you will have sewing time in the future, though probably not the near future. That first year is rough so don't feel bad about being frustrated or depressed. Not getting decent sleep is gonna make you crazy one way or the other. (Mine took naps but woke up every 2 hours to feed. Every Two Hours. And he refused to drink from a bottle so I was hulling my ass out of bed all the damn time.) During my son's first year I had to nap when he napped so nothing got sewn. When he got about a year and a half there started to be free time during nap. Of course now he's 4 and I get a lot of sewing time even when he's awake.
For now don't be too hard on yourself and get some sleep when/if you can. (Just a side note, "treasuring this time" is different for everyone. For me it wasn't an full of happy moments, most of it was really hard. But it did pass and I can say it was ultimately worth it.)
Because I think you're awesome, and I totally feel for you, I'm gonna be "that" mom right now. My kids were both spit up monsters who wouldn't sleep more than twenty minutes around the clock and had looooong periods of crying. It was dreadfully exhausting. With my first, it was ten whole months before I happened to be reading the perfect book at the perfect time and realized my son has a dairy sensitivity. Thank heavens I knew the signs after that and was able to recognize them much earlier with my daughter. Everyone kept telling me it's normal and it'll get better (it does, by the way--food issues or not). But because of that, I try to let people know that sometimes cutting out dairy and soy can make a massive difference-- no one ever suggested it to me, and I think I would've lost my marbles by now if (by God's grace) hadn't figured it out on my own. Within a couple days, the spit up stopped, they would sleep hours, and virtually no crying. I don't want to give you false hope and assume my babies' issues go for all babies (they don't), but if it helps, it might be worth a shot. I'll be praying for you. Later on, this phase will seem like a blink. Even if you feel like you're gonna die of exhaustion most days. You're awesome! You can do this! :)
ReplyDeleteNo worries, it will get better. He will be sleeping more. Mine is over 2 and still not sleeping through the night. Well, I got used to it.
ReplyDeleteI used a pump from day 2, and it helped so at least I had a chance for getting out a few hours while others could feed Junior. You´ll enjoy it more when he actually interacts - I have to admit newborn time is not very exciting in the sleep-cry-eat-shit circle :)
I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but just wanted to let you know that you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. It's always so hard to adjust to new stages of life, and this is such an all-encompassing change- I can't imagine being in your shoes! Hope you have a good day today!
ReplyDeleteI also don't have any words of wisdom, but I've been following your recent posts with interest, since I'm pregnant myself and this will be me next year! I have heard my mom friends commiserate with each other about these things too, and the ones who have been there/done that always remind them that it's just a phase, it'll pass, new challenges will come up but this part will get easier.
ReplyDeleteIt's still something to be proud of, that THE Thranduil saw your costume and liked it! :)
Ugg, I typed a long thoughtful comment and blogspot lost it when I hit preview. Annoying! I'll try to recreate it.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I had my second baby in February and it was three or four months before I got back into the swing of things sewing-wise. Until then I set myself the goal of one seam a day. I managed to finish a lovely summer dress with that method. It only took two months! lol.
First, SHB is way too cute, and love the bibs. Second, I have SO been there (and am very much about to be there again in 6-9 weeks), in the haze of doing nothing but feeding and attending to a tiny little person who seems constantly crying and hungry and never actually seems to sleep when I need a nap. If you can make a bib, it is a big victory!
ReplyDeleteBut like everyone else says... it's very temporary. Eventually 30 minute naps turn into 1 1/2 hour naps. They can't cry their way through college. They start talking, and sometimes even playing by themselves with toys for a few minutes at a time, and then you can sneak in a seam here and there... and it is SO fun doing cool projects and crafts with your kids.
So what helped me cope with the Larva was strapping her to me in a carrier and sitting at the sewing machine once she fell asleep. I was feeling rather resentful that all my free time was taken up by her. Not that I didn't love her and think she was the cutest thing ever, but it's hard to go from "hey, I want a costume for next week and I can do it!" to "hey check out that big sewing machine paperweight /sigh". So I coped by putting the Larva in a carrier, and eventually, I figured out how to sew with the Grub (baby #2) sleeping on a boppy pillow on my lap. (Leveled up with the second baby. LOL)
ReplyDeleteIt WILL pass as everyone says. And when it does, you can do cool stuff like... shave your baby's head and dress him up as an airbender. Not that I did that or anything. ;)
http://confused-kitty.com/costumes/baby-airbender/
Hang in there!
Awww friend *HUGS* I love you - hang in there - you are DEFINITELY one of the coolest people I know!! ^__^ I can't offer personal insight into SHB raising, but I can say that being a parent (while seemingly all-consuming) is not what solely defines you as a person. Keep being YOU and it will greatly help his development to know his mum is more than just his mum ^__^
ReplyDeleteHey there...imaginary sewing projects require all the same planning and thinking, you can do them at any time of day or night, and it doesn't matter if your hands are busy with SHB. Best of all....nothing ever needs to be seam ripped in the imagination. And when you are able to do more real sewing again, you will be ready with lots of ideas.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the costume recognition. I love that pic of you and your sister...it definitely looks like you are having a blast. I think that's what attracted the actors to it too!
As everyone has said before, it DOES get better. He'll start sleeping longer one day. It will just happen out of the blue. At least it did with baby Jane. And you'll slowly get some of your free time back. Not all you had before, but you'll find a new groove. But I remember. My husband has kept a voicemail I left him while in the throes of the fourth trimester where I had a complete meltdown in the time it took to leave a message. I went through every emotion possible in about a minute thirty, ending with some pretty epic sobbing. We still listen to it every once in a while for laughs.
ReplyDeleteJust another comment to say that it gets better and eventually, you find yourself again and figure out how to be you and SHB's mom at the same time. You are doing a great job and one day, when SHB can't even stand still because he is so excited for you to finish sewing HIS costume, you will glow with pride and accomplishment and the knowledge that making it through those first hard months allowed you to get to that point. Congrats on the celebrity shout-out and hang in there.
ReplyDeleteMy dd pointed me to your blog. You will learn to nurse and sew at the same time. Coolness never goes away.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read through all the other comments, so I may be repeating what everyone else said, but whooooo baby, I've been there. I remember at one point putting my first baby in a baby Bjorn carrier and swaying back and forth, ignoring his endless crying while I put together an Ikea change table. Why was I doing it? Because my MIL was visiting and keeping Mr. A.S.S. busy all the time, the baby would cry if anyone else held him, wouldn't take a bottle, and I needed a change table because my back was messed up from leaning over our low platform bed to change the baby every 90 minutes! I remember thinking, "I did not sign up for this". Even though the first 3 months (6 months, 1 year….) can seem like one long groundhog day that never ends, it does change and get easier by microscopic increments. I also remember everyone flippantly saying, "Oh, cherish this time, because it goes by so fast!", which is so much parental amnesia! It's slow, but it does get easier. Hell, I even had another one, so I must have recovered! ;)
ReplyDeleteThe longer naps will come (if you're lucky) when they start to meld together; three short naps turn into two longer ones around 6 months, and then after a year you may get one multi-hour glorious afternoon nap that goes all the way from 12-3pm!
I have an old boyfriend that had his kids a few years after I did, and we often talk about this exact thing: he feels like the old days when we all used to go out to clubs and follow bands and REALLY care about things are gone forever. He's exhausted from caring for his kids during the day and working nights. It's hard to convince him that the time and energy will come back, perhaps not as it once was, but I'm living proof that after 9 intense years of kid-rearing, I'm getting my cool life back: I've been to San Francisco, London, and NYC just in the past year to party with the sewcialists, and get to spend time reading and discovering new bands again now that I'm out from under the newborn+toddler years.
Also: I used to take my babies to movies all the time. The matinees are empty and often they screen films specifically for parents with babies - check the cinemas around you. And Lee Pace retweet?!?!? Awesomeness.
Just wanted to say, I've totally been there. (and what you are experiencing now, the first 6 months with your firstborn, is the hardest transition I've had so far, up to 3 so far. So it does get somewhat better)
ReplyDeleteI fought it for years.
Handed screaming baby to disgruntled husband on weekend while I holed up all day with my sewing machine to "get the dress done"? Check. On Christmas vacation, at my family's house (850 miles away), trying to sew in my mom's basement after handing my kids off to my disgruntled siblings who were miffed I was not spending time with them? check. Ignoring screaming baby while desperately sewing and trying not to feel like a horrible human, just as my MIL walks in at the most innopportune moment to witness the abandonment of her grandchildren? Check...
Yup, it felt like a constant war with my kids, who refused naps etc etc, woke up at the worst moments, etc etc And worst of all, I always felt so frustrated, like I had all these dreams, only to watch only 2% happen, at the cost of so much strife...
I learned a few things, and don't feel like I am in a constant war with my kids or constantly frustrated any more.
1. Having a 2nd baby REALLY REALLY helped once the 2nd baby hit 8 months, because that's when she began playing with the first baby. All of a sudden, I could sew a little bit while they happily played (or happily fought), in stead of having a single bored sad baby begging me for attention that he suddenly decided he needed when I sat at the sewing machine.
2. Realistic goals. That sounds so depressing, but really, I just cut out all the things I didn't really really love. Being a creative type, I want to MAKE ALL THE THINGS. Before kids, I used to sew up dresses that I sort of felt meh about and wore only a few times, before they got repurposed into other things. Now that my time is much more valuable, I have a lot longer to plan things, to really mull over how much I want to make it (while changing diapers...) I'd rather not spend precious hours on a fad dress, but instead, say quilted leather bracers for a Faramir ranger outfit...
3. I kind of had a shock when I realized how fast my kids are growing up. It feels interminable and then all of a sudden, the baby who never kept a schedule is now a dreamy 3 year old who I overhear him making up his own stories, about Stormtroopers and Captain America fighting dragons....On the one hand, it makes me realize that I really do want to treasure the time with him now, and on the other hand, its really fun that I get to brainwash him about Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and what 'cool' is (that is, before he's old enough to know better)
So I've found I'm a lot happier, focussing my creative energies on things that matter most to me, and learning to treat my kids like comrades on this adventure.
It was really hard though. And I'm still learning it....
And there is nothing quite as satisfying as watching your kid running around in a Gondor Guard outfit while discovering the wonder of rocks and leaves and trees in the back yard... :)
Dude, I am SO late reading this (I miss the days when I did cool stuff, and I'm not even doing anything as important as nurturing a SHB... I'm just working, and then working and working some more. Blerg.) I hope things are leveling out, but I remember well the long slog of baby-holding, especially the not-sleeping-needing-to-be-carried thing all the time (and there were no smart phones back then... Nursing while messing on the desktop computer was doable, but definitely awkward...) Those dim flickers of *self* glimpsed in the distance. The only other time in my life I've had to surrender so much of *ME* was writing my candidacy exams in my PhD program. ;) (and that only lasted a month.)... though my current rota of 15-hr workdays comes pretty close... I miss doing cool stuff, too.
ReplyDeleteThe good news is, even though it seems like forever, eventually it does pass, and they learn cool tricks like smiling and sitting up and playing and developing their own personalities and opinions, and eventually they not only sleep, but they learn to clean and feed themselves. Mine are even (almost) trained to do the dishes, although they still argue plenty about it. ;)
The "you who does cool stuff" isn't gone---just laying low for a while. Maybe it will help to think about how amazing it is that you made a person (and now you're keeping him alive!), maybe it won't. It helped me a bit to think that I was "giving my baby a year" ... after a year it was much easier to find time to exist, and a lot easier again after two years. After three years, I could finally get a good night's sleep again (mind you, that's when I had my second baby, so really it wound up being six sleep-deprived years... but that was my own fault. ;) )
Also, totally aweseomest retweet. :D